In walks Catherine wide eyed and bushy tailed as always.
“Hi Catherine” shouts Tina.
“Hi” Catherine responds with a smile.
“She’s another one that pisses me off, I hope she doesn’t come and sit near me at the table” I said in hatred.
“Why” asked Tina.
“Because every time I see her and we get into a conversation she ends up talking like she knows me, what the silly cow doesn’t realise is that I know her better than she knows me”
“I don’t understand” Tina explores confused.
“She just seems to think she knows me, for example the last time I saw her; I’m talking away happily to her and she asks me what’s wrong, so I said to her what you on about there aint nothing wrong, you know what the daft b**ch said… yes there is I can sense it! Like she knows me better than me, she’s just a sad reason for an excuse”.
“Gail I know you’re annoyed right now but remember it is my birthday so stay calm, I don’t want no embarrassing moments in the restaurant anyway everyone is nearly here so we can order soon”.
“Ladies if I may show you to your table” the waiter interrupts.
“Yeah I know I’m not going to embarrass you, look at them all scrambling for their seats” I said in disgust.
Tina and I walked over to the table, I quickly realised I had to sit next to the one person I didn’t want to, I squeezed Tina’s hand “you better sit near me” I said out the corner of my mouth. I sat down graciously with a forced smile on my face I had ‘know it all’ Catherine on one side and ‘Stinky’ Sue on the other and I mean she hums.
“How are you?” asks Catherine looking directly into my eyes with her perfect bloody smile.
“I’m great thanks Catherine and how are you?” I politely said forcing a smile back.
“I’ve got a bit of a tummy ache but other than that I am ok”.
“Good” I responded not interested in anything she has to say.
“Hi Gail” Stinky Sue said from the other side of me.
“Hi Sue” I said nearly calling her Stinky and not wanting to breathe in.
I quickly picked up the menu and began searching for what I wanted.
“You seem irritated Gail are you sure you’re okay?”
Here she goes again “yes” I responded with a huge smile on my face so she would get the message.
“You have such a nice feel about you when you’re relaxed”.
I wanted to punch her in the face “what do you mean when I relax?”
“I sometimes I get a sense it’s my directness but I feel you allow your frustrations to get the better of you although you contain it well”.
Here this daft b**ch goes again looking at me and judging what she sees as gospel “No! Catherine you have got it wrong whatever you see in my face that you believe is a clue to who I am or what I’m feeling you really need to get a grip or go to Specsavers…” I could see Stinky Sue cover her mouth with her hand from the corner of my eye but I really didn’t care so I continued “…and make sure they check your retina because it may be pulled to tight making you see yourself as o so perfect in the mirror”.
“Does the truth normally consume you in this manner” Catherine replied condescendingly
“Yeah b**ch and you’re gonna have to consume your food through a straw because you’re gonna see A&E”.
“Ignorance is bliss isn’t it Gail, all this time and we can’t see each other”.
“What is this fixated b**ch on about” I said with my palms turned up looking around the room as in a pantomime scene.
“She’s blind, Gail” whispered Stinky Sue.